Finally Found My Peace

Many of us say that being happy is one of our life goals, but not seldom do we struggle to define happiness itself. I've heard a cut version of a podcast where Ustadz Felix explained that the Al-Qur'an itself doesn't mention happiness, but rather the peace that exists in human life in this world. He concluded that peace may be the closest form of joy that human beings can experience in this life. As I think about it, I agree with the statement in many ways. It's not necessarily that I'm happy, so that I'm content with my current life, but I gained it all through things that make me peaceful. All of which are mostly through being honest, genuine, and authentic while navigating my life. Thus, I want to discuss three things that have brought me peace so far.

• I quit being a people pleaser and seeking validation from others.

    I remember being a teenager who cared about others' opinions of me. It reflected in many of my behaviors. Growing up with Facebook at its top popularity, I kind of cared about the number of likes I got, the comments, and whether I was less or more popular than my friends in school, etc. Anyway, this blog was also created when I was in that era of seeking validation. I love writing, but I got upset when others commented badly on my writing. I took all the requested content only to drain myself (I'm so sorry for my younger self). 

    My engagement with social media declined when I was in high school, but it's not because I wanted it; I just couldn't be like before when I was in secondary school. I was thrown into a completely different world, being busy with real life, and not much time left to spend on social media. However, I was still a bit insecure about being less popular on social media than most of my friends. Regardless, the disengagement was something created by my situation and didn't come from myself.

    The real detachment from social media came when I was at the university. I no longer cared about what was going on on Facebook or how many followers I had on Instagram, and I even deactivated my account during the busiest semesters of my college years. I was totally free from the need to be active on social media. Of course, this did not come so suddenly. I realized that it only wasted my time [that time]; what's in there is mostly superficial, and I no longer see any need to seek validation online. Thus, from then until now, social media has been just a platform for me to have fun and share my casual side without taking it too seriously. The rule of thumb is, "Never leave a comment unless a good one."

• I stop worrying about society's acceptance.

    Society sets so many standards for us to be called certain things. My thoughts on it have constantly changed as I grew up. Living in several different environments, from an Islamic one [pondok pesantren] to a more general one [Humanities faculty], has enriched my perspectives in many ways, especially on how I see things that are or are not in line with my preferences and principles. I consider myself lucky to be able to experience these completely distinct environments so that I can see where I stand as an individual without any worry or fear of anything.

    I admit that my mature point of view did not solely exist for the varied environment I lived in, but it's combined with my willingness to learn as well. As a person put in those different places, I never stand at an extreme point to address certain issues, but I always strive to be honest to stand closer to my preferences. In other words, I still hold on to the principles I believe are non-negotiable, but I always choose the one that suits my likeness the best. This is what I call the "authentic" version of me.

• I've become more honest with myself in everything I'm doing.

    As I stop worrying about what people around me may think of me, I become braver to show my colors in many things. If something doesn't feel right, I'll say NO, firmly. If I don't see the WHY, I won't do it. I know it may not sound easy for some of us, but really, it's worth getting used to. For me, this solid power to be brave enough in being honest with ourselves comes from a long process of questioning, conversing with ourselves, and getting to know ourselves better. With this, I believe other people won't navigate our lives anymore.

To add a new perspective, I think I'm lucky that instead of fear of being different, I like it. I don't see doing something because others do as captivating. I would rather be different while doing something I love. It may sound unrealistic, stubborn, or idealistic, but I can, why not? After all, honesty I hold is the one that guides me to the current state where I'm able to do what I love, live with my preferences, and the biggest one is to have peace in mind and heart.

All in all, peace comes from a realness, when we don't hide anything, when we don't manipulate our own selves, when we stay true to our conscience. It was indeed a long journey for me to come to this state, and I am still learning how to live better. I hope you find your peace, too!