June: 25, Unemployed, Searching for Her Dreams, in Unexpected Loneliness

Hello my dearest readers, I came back with hopefully a more mature version of myself. There were a bunch of things that had happened to me this latest time that cannot quite be described thoroughly. Some learning processes that got me through various emotions that are both familiar and new to me. There was a time when it felt so hard for me even to breathe, my chest felt so heavy as if the universe pressed me from all directions. Then, in the middle of it, I met this person who was not necessarily new to me but got me to experience an abundance of new emotions after over a decade. Those excitements felt like oxygen allowing me to breathe more lightly, giving me a reason to smile in the middle of chaotic situations I faced that time.

I’m not going to write any love story here nor specifically talk about those happenings I foreshadowed previously. Instead, I’m just going to catch up with the second journal here with you whoever reading it. Hello! Your blogger is now 25, still living with her parents, thankfully already graduated from university, but is not yet fully employed [not sure if she’s willing to]. She is still enjoying the freedom of freelancing that lets her spare more time to find what she really wants to do in life. It’s a long & lonely journey indeed, but it’s better than losing the opportunity to get to know herself more deeply.

As a 25-year-old girl, June doesn’t feel 'fully' human yet. She thinks that she’s far from any standards that society may have for women her age. When other women may have worked for a company, taken post-graduate degrees, or maybe got married and had kids, June on the other hand is busy to search her dreams to live her one lifetime to the fullest. The path not seldom gets very grey and dark sending her vague idea to even recognize her desire. As much as she likes being alone, this journey of finding out her dreams can get very lonely and suffocating. Fortunately, she’s not bothered by any white noise her surroundings may throw at her.

However, it’s different when it refers to her first circle, the closest people she has. Their understandings, views, and perceptions matter which is why it often affects her emotional state when they don’t get her idea. For the past few years, June has been into Psychology and self-developing. She has been learning from any sources possible from books, podcasts, YouTube videos, articles, etc. She feels she’s grown up so much emotionally. The thing is, the effect of being more emotionally intelligent may not always good. Instead, it can bring us to an unexpected loneliness. It’s a feeling when you’re not understood, heard, or even treated the way you do others simply because they don’t learn as much as you do. I think a quote saying, “People only can see you as deeply as they see themselves,” represents the idea I’m talking about concisely. In other words, only people who know themselves well can see us emotionally more deeply. When you are the only one learning about yourself but people around you don’t, that type of loneliness may creep in from time to time just like June tend to feel.

Even though this lonely journey can never be easy, June [I] will keep working for her "self" to be able to grow as a decent individual who lives her life well, at least to be happy and not cause any harm to those around us. Until then my paths lighten up and I know what I'm going to do in this life, I’ll see you here once in a while. Thank you for being unconditional readers so far. I hope we always live our lives happily no matter what we’ve been through. See ya!